Shopping

Why do I hate shopping more than any other thing I can waste my time with? Long story short...I hate my body. I don't like myself. I wish I was thinner, prettier, tanner, etc. But I'll never be like them, because I'm me, not some air-brushed picture that is found over this mall I'm in right now. When I shop, I'm bombarded by sizes and ideals for what beautiful and Sexy should be. It's hard to accept myself. I'll never be a size zero...not again at least. It's not worth putting my health in jeopardy to please society. But since I suffer from an eating disorder called bulimia, I can't just ignore these stereotypes. I feel like I have to please everyone, so that puts my health at risk. It makes me hate my body even more, even though I used to be a well-rounded dancer who could give a fuck about what size I wore. Unfortunately, I have lost that confidence. And now I'm trying to be something I'm not. I feel I've let everyone down because of my disorder. I have to make up for it somehow, but HOW?

2015

Here's to the new year! Bare with me, I'm gonna be cliche.

I want, from here on out, to be more self-compassionate. Cause honestly, I haven't taken care of myself for the past six years. My eating disorder will NOT define me any more.

I want to go back to school, check things off of my bucket list, see more, read more, write more, etc. I want to live my life the way I want to. I don't want to be the "people pleaser" I've always been. I want to be me.

Easier said than done, right? But it'll be so worth it, I know. The work I will put in fir myself will be so amazing. For the first time in forever, I can do anything without sharing or feeling guilty.

This is my life.

2013 sucked, and the last 5 years before that. But I'm leaving the past behind, and keep moving forward. I've just gotta LET IT GO!!!!!

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Sorry, got off topic for a second. Oh well...

2015 is going to rock! I just know it!!